This weekend, we’re (not) thankful for haremshit. Highlights this time include:
- Shinzen unable to play the right episode and not noticing right away
- Way too many dick jokes
- Kelloggs’ idea for a porn doujin parody
- Kelloggs hating on unbuttoned shorts
- Saya hijack
Rakudai Kishi no Cavalry ep. 08
Kelloggs: Oh, I thought we were watching Rakudai, but I guess we’re watching a Tom Cruise movie.
Shinzen: It’s like the Synths in Fallout 4. Were they in Fallout 3?
Kelloggs: I’ve never played Fallout.
Shinzen: In Fallout 4, the Synths are humanoid robots that sort of look like these guys.
Kelloggs: I’m pretty sure that her dad screwed up by focusing on her wrists when he should have focused on her thighs. If he had just trained her thighs properly, she would have been able to win.
ParticularlyPeeved: Why are her memories like a photograph?
PumpkinMochi: Look man, the director’s trying to be artsy.
Kelloggs: The director’s trying to make up for the fact that he was drunk two episodes ago.
ParticularlyPeeved: Is this from a manga? Are they using clippings for the manga like Kare Kano?
Shinzen: I gotta say, Kelloggs, this song seems like it would totally be good as an exercise song.
Kelloggs: Which one?
Shinzen: This one. The opening.
Kelloggs: The opening to what?
Shinzen: This. Oh my god, Kelloggs, we’re watching the opening now.
Kelloggs: Uh, we’re watching Rakudai. Do you have Asterisk on?
Kelloggs: I was like, we’re watching a flashback of Ayatsuji and you’re talking about an opening.
PumpkinMochi: Yeah, I was like… the OP for Asterisk is good but we’re watching Rakudai.
Shinzen: Okay, I have the right show now. What did I miss? I was wondering why you guys were talking about photos, and I guess you guys must be even more confused about the Fallout reference.
Kelloggs: Now I know I have robot humanoids to look forward to in Asterisk. Anyway, they just had a flashback to her training with her dad.
Shinzen: What was the big deal with her dad?
ParticularlyPeeved: He was beaten by the boner guy.
Shinzen: I have no idea who that is.
Kelloggs: The guy with the giant sword that’s made up of vertebrate.
Shinzen: I missed that episode where he was introduced.
Kelloggs: Now we’re on the opening.
Shinzen: This isn’t as good as the other one. It’d be funny if I watched the entire episode of Asterisk and didn’t notice anything different. And then I load up Rakudai for the next one and don’t say anything.
ParticularlyPeeved: It’s the same show!
Kelloggs: We’re on Sword Eater III, maybe this time he’ll actually eat the sword.
Kelloggs: It’s called the Elite Eight, dipshit.
PumpkinMochi: Wait what? How? What was that?
ParticularlyPeeved: That’s how he got knocked out.
PumpkinMochi: But he hit the floor, not him.
ParticularlyPeeved: I think he got unconscious by his own technique, not by that guy.
Kelloggs: No, it’s pro wrestling, you guys.
PumpkinMochi: I’m imagining commentary by that famous WWE announcer. “By god, he had a family!”
Kelloggs: “Good god, that’s the Worst One’s music!”
ParticularlyPeeved: You’re littering! Pick it up and throw it in the garbage bin.
ParticularlyPeeved: They’re trading loli pictures.
PumpkinMochi: Who does that?
—–> Kelloggs <—–: Yeah seriously.
ParticularlyPeeved: All this talk about their “devices.”
ParticularlyPeeved: Are you even qualified? What’s your length?
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh man, he got a boner!
PumpkinMochi: That’s a pretty impressive boner snake.
Shinzen: It’s almost like no of you guys watched Bleach.
PumpkinMochi: I did, I know it’s the same sword thing as the red-haired guy’s sword.
Kelloggs: Hey, there’s a reason I didn’t watch Bleach.
Kelloggs: Okay, so these guys are comparing swords if you know what I mean.
PumpkinMochi: Is the boner sword ribbed for pleasure?
Kelloggs: Stop it. Those are ribs, they’re vertebrate.
PumpkinMochi: Close enough.
Kelloggs: What does that have to do with sword eating?
Keidence: He’s saying this thing can fight from any range and that he can beat people who have a certain range with their weapons.
Kelloggs: Yeah, but wouldn’t it be called Sword Beater or something.
ParticularlyPeeved: Maybe he breaks their swords after the fight.
Keidence: Yeah, he’s supposed to beat them so badly that they can’t use swords anymore, which is what happened to her dad.
ParticularlyPeeved: Really, it’s his reflexes?
Kelloggs: Are we gonna have a lecture on what reflexes are?
PumpkinMochi: Oh my god, they actually are doing it.
ParticularlyPeeved: How did he even calculate that?
PumpkinMochi: They literally stopped a fight to explain this bullshit. This is Mahouka all over again.
PumpkinMochi: ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA
ParticularlyPeeved: Is he dead yet?
Keidence: Was that a repeat animation?
PumpkinMochi: What’s with his face there?
Kelloggs: He’s hella M right now.
Kelloggs: And the Grinch’s sword grew ten sizes that day!
PumpkinMochi: I don’t want to read that doujin.
Kelloggs: You’re a swordswoman.
PumpkinMochi: You’re right, now get back in the kitchen.
Kelloggs: I wasn’t gonna go there, but okay.
Keidence: And they’re both spent.
PumpkinMochi: I mean… when you have such a huge boner, it drains your stamina.
ParticularlyPeeved: He just has to wait for his stamina to go down and that’ll go limp then-
Shinzen: Or he could just buy Viagra.
Kelloggs: His sword is so powerful, he’s gonna travel back in time.
Kelloggs: Why did the visuals change?
Keidence: Because it’s serious mode. Is he just running forward, holding his sword in front of him?
Kelloggs: And apparently it takes 30 seconds to run across the room.
PumpkinMochi: Wait, he knows her family’s techniques? How?
PumpkinMochi: Oh my god, I hate you so much. He didn’t just copy it, he’s better at it.
Keidence: Just join the harem.
ParticularlyPeeved: I think she already joined.
PumpkinMochi: Yeah! We did it! Well, you did it!
Kelloggs: More accurately, we stood off to the side while you did it.
PumpkinMochi: Wait what?
Shinzen: Of course. Oh my god. I was thinking that earlier. After they beat the guy, is the dad gonna wake up?
PumpkinMochi: Nah, that’d be too stupid. Oh…
Keidence: Well, that was another episode of Rakudai.
Kelloggs: Hey, the comment about boners growing ten sizes gave me an idea for a H-manga parody of The Grinch that Stole Christmas.
Keidence: I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that before.
Kelloggs: Not with the Grinch but with some horrible guy that does things to make his partners upset but then he eventually meets one girl that’s into it. “She’s not crying, she’s actually singing! And the Grinch’s boner grew ten sizes that day!”
Gakusen Toshi Asterisk ep. 08
PumpkinMochi: Wow, these guys are just like the robots in Fallout.
Kelloggs: Wow, what an original observation you have there.
PumpkinMochi: Aw, you guys need to train better.
Kelloggs: Obviously, Saya’s the one dragging the team down because Kirin was ranked #1.
PumpkinMochi: Well not anymore.
Kelloggs: Well she was one of the top ranks and good at what she does. So if they’re getting their butts kicked that bad…
Keidence: Somehow their teamwork is bringing Kirin down.
Kelloggs: So they need to have some team-building exercises.
PumpkinMochi: By team-building exercises, do you mean what I think you mean?
Kelloggs: I don’t know, what do you think I mean?
Keidence: They may or may not be baths involved.
Kelloggs: I think they just need to, you know, have picnics together and stuff. I’m not saying anything lewd, I don’t know why you would think that.
PumpkinMochi: Hey, picnics are associated with bears and bears are associated with yuri.
Kelloggs: I’m okay with yuri implications with those two. This show is gonna make me choose between a Saya-McFail ship and a Saya-Kirin ship.
Kelloggs: This is a petition to legalize weed.
PumpkinMochi: No, the other show’s the one with Blazers not this one.
Kelloggs: What’s with her face?
PumpkinMochi: Oh, I guess he is no. 1 then.
Kelloggs: Wait, just like that? That’s not how it should work.
Keidence: Time for a date.
Kelloggs: You two are so bad at this.
Kelloggs: Gotta get those Social Links.
Kelloggs: How are you gonna buy that? “No, I swear. It’s for my dad!”
PumpkinMochi: Now they’re back on a bench.
ParticularlyPeeved: Well at least they’re closer now.
PumpkinMochi: I am mad scientist. It’s so cool! Son of a bitch.
Kelloggs: So this is Okabe’s and Kurisu’s daughter in the future.
Keidence: Gotta go to the wrong side of Asterisk.
Keidence: Oh my god, they really did.
Kelloggs: This place looks legit.
ParticularlyPeeved: I like how the opposite side of the road is shiny buildings and stuff.
PumpkinMochi: God, look at these sketchy motherfuckers.
Kelloggs: They’re probably hanging around, sitting in circles and looking at lolis on their phones.
Shinzen: He has a smiley face on his beanie, he’s probably really nice.
PumpkinMochi: It’s not a smiley face, it’s a frowny face, Shinzen.
Shinzen: Oh. I mean he just has to turn it upside down.
Kelloggs: She didn’t even have to go through a background check. Goddamn NRA.
PumpkinMochi: I mean, in this world, minors can buy alcohol and guns without any problem.
Kelloggs: This is a pretty cool world, you guys.
Kelloggs: That was a really underwhelming result of going into a dark alley. “We just went there and bought a gun, no big deal!”
PumpkinMochi: Oh my god, who called this?
Keidence: I called beach, is this close enough?
Kelloggs: Don’t wear your shorts like that, kids.
Kelloggs: Of course she’s wearing a school swimsuit. It’s a rule that if you have a flat-chest, you have to wear a school swimsuit.
ParticularlyPeeved: Why can’t you stop? What is wrong with you?
PumpkinMochi: Iceberg straight ahead!
ParticularlyPeeved: I don’t even know what happened, but okay.
Kelloggs: You messed with the wrong girl! God, what is with that swimsuit?
PumpkinMochi: Yeah, that doesn’t fit. Get a bigger one.
Keidence: My god. That swimsuit…
Kelloggs: On second thought, I’m not gonna challenge you.
Kelloggs: So she saw Claudia’s swimsuit and went “Let me show you!”
Kelloggs: That twintail flick. Nice.
Kelloggs: Oh, she’s using Gate of Babylon.
ParticularlyPeeved: So that’s how you beat Gilgamesh.
Kelloggs: So is that it for her or is she gonna be a recurring character?
PumpkinMochi: I hope so. She can be the joke character.
Keidence: Weinberg is blasting off again!
Keidence: Best date ever.
Kelloggs: I wanted to piggyback off your #1 ranking.
Kelloggs: They’re like the proud mom and dad.
ParticularlyPeeved: They got better. Yeah!
Keidence: Yes, she’s here!
Kelloggs: Saya hijack!