We’re at the halfway point for both of these shows, and our commentary this week involves the following:
- Keidence paying enough attention to Rakudai to notice its inaccurate astronomy
- Onii-sama overload
- Kelloggs lusting over waki in both shows
- Coffee cup symbolism in Rakudai
- Lewd swimsuit and haunted curry in Asterisk
- Kelloggs recounting sage words from the Fast and the Furious franchise
Rakudai Kishi no Calvary ep. 06
Kelloggs: This is the stupidest shit ever.
ParticularlyPeeved: It gets heavier and heavier, that’s why I’m holding it over my head.
Kelloggs: Because I’m an A rank, I can lol pwn everyone.
ParticularlyPeeved: What does that even mean?
PumpkinMochi: It’s obviously a reference to episode 2 when Stella’s top fell off.
Kelloggs: It’s not the same, it just isn’t right. I need Hayamin’s voice.
Kelloggs: Was she always sparking?
PumpkinMochi: No, it’s just because she’s flustered.
Keidence: Yeah, she’s mad.
PumpkinMochi: Oh, look who it is.
Kelloggs: I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t see anyone there. She must have a brilliant disguise.
Kelloggs: See, no one here!
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh my god, I didn’t even realize that was a disguise!
Kelloggs: What is… why is she talking about a shaver in an envelope? God, Stella’s fucking dumb.
PumpkinMochi: Oh my god, this is so stupid.
Kelloggs: I don’t know what you’re talking about, that’s just a tree there.
PumpkinMochi: Shut up, Kelloggs.
Kelloggs: Woah, there’s a person there. I had no idea.
Kelloggs: Woah, there’s panties there. She’s also the girl from Katawa Shoujo.
Everyone: Ahahaha, what.
Kelloggs: And now she’s dead. The End!
ParticularlyPeeved: How is she floating that way?
Kelloggs: Wasn’t that Tom Cruise?
PumpkinMochi: He’s not a Blazer though.
Kelloggs: You don’t know that, he might have been blazing it when he decided to join Scientology.
ParticularlyPeeved: What is going on? Apparently one of them is sparking, and the other one is…, I don’t know what the blue lines above her head are.
Kelloggs: She just smells really bad, that’s all. Those are stink lines.
Keidence: This was Rakudai’s time to do a fight scene actually better than Asterisk, and they have not. This is the same environment and the same weapon types of the combatants in the last episode of Asterisk.
Kelloggs: But this one has Tom Cruise.
Keidence: That’s true.
PumpkinMochi: Because you’re a woman!
Kelloggs: You sure put me in my place!
ParticularlyPeeved: Yes, let me start doing this.
PumpkinMochi: Dude, this is training!
Kelloggs: In order to train you, I must molest your thighs.
Kelloggs: It looks like she’s on fire or sunburned.
ParticularlyPeeved: She’s also apparently leaking.
Kelloggs: What are you- WHAT. Also, that looks like blood now. Seriously, sweat doesn’t bunch up like that.
Kelloggs: See, that was all because of her thighs. Or something.
PumpkinMochi: Is this over yet?
Kelloggs: That feel when you’re walking a girl home and she’s like “I like your hands because they remind me of my father’s hands.”
Kelloggs: The fact that they’re talking about swordplay means you don’t even have to come up with euphemisms, they’re doing it for you.
PumpkinMochi: Why aren’t they fucking already? Jesus Christ.
Kelloggs: Because Stella’s a pure maiden, man.
PumpkinMochi: But dude look. She wants to hold hands.
Kelloggs: Dat waki.
PumpkinMochi: Look at this shit.
PumpkinMochi: Are you gonna claim she’s pure anymore?
Kelloggs: I… sigh. You’re right.
Keidence: I think this scene was supposed to be romantic, but I’m not sure.
PumpkinMochi: Um okay, that sure was a fight scene.
Kelloggs: Who story-boarded this episode? “Okay, so now they’re gonna fight and say one line for ten seconds. Then we’re gonna cut to a restaurant because… reasons.”
Kelloggs: She keeps it in her chest. Those massive blobs of fat.
PumpkinMochi: What the fuck was that shot? It was just the coffee cup against power lines.
ParticularlyPeeved: It’s really important to see the significance of the steam rising from the coffee cup with power lines in the background.
Kelloggs: I’m pretty sure the episode director was drunk.
PumpkinMochi: Who the hell is this and why does he have a skull tattoo on his chest?
Keidence: He has shark teeth too.
Kelloggs: Go back to Dance with Devils, your kind doesn’t belong here.
PumpkinMochi: They’re really doing this, huh?
Keidence: SO EDGY.
Kelloggs: This just turned into Anti-Magic Academy.
Kelloggs: You can’t do this, you’re a woman! Let men settle man things.
Kelloggs: Wow, check out that massive boner.
PumpkinMochi: Oh, their faces are kinda fucked up too.
Kelloggs: They’re not as fucked up as the fucked up face club though.
ParticularlyPeeved: See, that coffee cup was really important. It’s tilted now.
Keidence: I can’t believe they did that.
Kelloggs: If he means what I think he means by device, then that would get you in trouble.
Kelloggs: Who are you? Also, the other guy’s name was Sword Eater? Is he from the gay school?
Keidence: Sound made when you’re trying to suppress a laugh (Sorry, I’m not very good with weird onomatopoeia. -PumpkinMochi)
PumpkinMochi: I mean, his sword is a giant bone.
PumpkinMochi: Another new character? Where are all these people coming from?
ParticularlyPeeved: Is that the manager or something, I don’t even know.
Keidence: I’m gonna call student council president.
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh, vice president.
PumpkinMochi: That’s close enough.
Keidence: There was a full moon in the last night in the show.
ParticularlyPeeved: Don’t worry about it, the sun moved a lot or the moon moved a lot. Something happened.
Kelloggs: Uh oh. I taught you everything you know.
Kelloggs: Back to the sword mines…
ParticularlyPeeved: Is that an airplane in the background? What does it mean? It makes more sense than the foreground.
ParticularlyPeeved: See, there it is.
Kelloggs: Why are we looking at the plane?
ParticularlyPeeved: They pay so much attention to detail in this show.
Kelloggs: Clearly. I’m still going with the drunk director theory.
Gakusen Toshi Asterisk ep. 05
Kelloggs: Check out that fountain. They rebuilt it.
PumpkinMochi: At least one of these shows knows how a fountain works.
Kelloggs: This guy is challenging Jun’s father from Anthem of the Heart for the Father of the Year award.
PumpkinMochi: He’s not even her father, he’s her uncle.
Kelloggs: Well, Father Figure of the Year award then.
Keidence: I’m still waiting for that red-haired scythe girl to show up but she probably won’t until they fight other schools.
Kelloggs: Yeah well, the important girl is already here. It’s the genki girl that wears her lab coat off her shoulders. I need a term for that face they do with the >< eyes, because she’s really good with that face.
PumpkinMochi: Tsundere mode activated!
Kelloggs: Yeah, zero to dere in two seconds flat.
ParticularlyPeeved: I don’t think it even took two seconds.
Kelloggs: Okay, maybe even 0.2 seconds.
Kelloggs: She’s 13?! Shit!
ParticularlyPeeved: That’s what he thought of?
PumpkinMochi: I mean, to be fair..she is pretty big for 13.
ParticularlyPeeved: And then you have to get this angle to confirm this one isn’t as big.
Kelloggs: Are they ranking on boob size or something? Like how did those two end up as #1 and #2?
PumpkinMochi: Boob size plays a role clearly.
Kelloggs: I mean, Senran Kagura taught us that you can’t be a ninja unless your boobs are huge.
PumpkinMochi: What? She only has a regular katana?
Kelloggs: But Mochi, it’s been folded over a hundred times.
Kelloggs: They keep showing us the little peek of his pecs. His man cleavage, that’s uh.
PumpkinMochi: That’s pretty hot. Wait what.
Kelloggs: It’s good content.
PumpkinMochi: Speaking of good content.
Kelloggs: Oh hello!
Keidence: I feel like this is gonna be an endcard, her in this outfit.
Kelloggs: That bottom is too lewd.
PumpkinMochi: Oh my god, off her shoulder too?
Kelloggs: She’s so lewd! Her entire existence is lewd!
PumpkinMochi: That’s not a problem.
Keidence: It’s commendable if anything.
Kelloggs: I feel like that’s the most generic evil corporation name.
PumpkinMochi: God, why is she so big?
Kelloggs: It’s the magic of the oppai loli, man.
PumpkinMochi: Aw yeah.
Kelloggs: Oh man, it’s happening! He’s just stealing stuff from my playbook now. It’s like “You know what would be good here, a nice headpat.”
Keidence: Yes! The good content.
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh my god, there’s some heavy plot.
PumpkinMochi: Yeah, it’s really heavy.
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh, it’s bouncing around as well.
Kelloggs: I guess at 13, nobody told her about bras.
Kelloggs: If she joins their training, he’ll grab her thighs.
PumpkinMochi: Oh god, loli falling out of tree!
Kelloggs: She’s like a drop bear.
Kelloggs: NTR bullshit!
PumpkinMochi: I mean, the childhood friend never wins. It’s okay, she can team up with McFail.
Kelloggs: I’m okay with that.
Kelloggs: Hahaha, this girl.
ParticularlyPeeved: Do you like mapo tofu?
ParticularlyPeeved: It’s better be mapo tofu. Oh, it’s just spicy curry.
PumpkinMochi: Oh god! It’s on fire.
Kelloggs: You know what else is insanely hot at this table?
PumpkinMochi: Seriously, those look like ghosts.
Kelloggs: They’re the Ghosts of Spicy Past.
Kelloggs: Well, he’s getting the fireshits tonight.
Kelloggs: Oh yes, it’s scientist girl time.
PumpkinMochi: That sleeping mask…
Kelloggs: I love that.
Kelloggs: Dat waki.
ParticularlyPeeved: Where is this camera? Is it floating in the air in front of them?
Kelloggs: It’s like they’re playing a game in instant reply mode and they can just move the camera wherever.
PumpkinMochi: Oh no! It’s… dinosaurs?
Kelloggs: Tiny dinosaur attack! This is totally a random encounter in a RPG.
Kelloggs: Why do they have orange marmalade for blood? Oh, they can regenerate.
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh, she’s just gonna dice them until she reaches that crystal in the middle or something.
Kelloggs: This is just like Strike Witches, you guys!
Kelloggs: The street always wins!
Kelloggs: You can’t deny that, Mochi.
Kelloggs: Oh good, one last butt shot before they fall into oblivion. And that’s the end of the episode. I’m not sure if I should think of that as ending on a massive cliffhanger or a butt shot.
PumpkinMochi: They fell off the cliff, so…
Keidence: Yeah, they’re not hanging on the cliff any more.
Kelloggs: This is true, I should have chosen my words better.