Apologies for the post being late this week. I got the opportunity to see Anthem of the Heart in a theater this week, and I would highly recommend seeing it. As for these shows, the last member of the harem in Asterisk shows up, while we get to see what is possibly the most entertaining romantic confession scene in any work of media ever in Rakudai’s fifth episode.
Gakusen Toshi Asterisk ep. 05
PumpkinMochi: Oh hey, it’s a Chinese girl.
Kelloggs: Yeah, it’s the Chinese school.
Kelloggs: Okay, and this is the British school. This is just like freaking Infinite Stratos.
ParticularlyPeeved: Look at my big sword!
Kelloggs: Yeah, seriously.
PumpkinMochi: Oh, is it Silent Diva?
Shinzen: Who’s Silent Diva?
PumpkinMochi: It’s one of the people from another show that had a similar council… Absolute Duo, that’s it.
PumpkinMochi: Wow rude.
ParticularlyPeeved: “I have no idea what is going on.”
PumpkinMochi: Maybe if he’d open his eyes, he’d know.
Kelloggs: I’m getting tired of the German guy.
Shinzen: Why are there students running everything?
ParticularlyPeeved: Because they’re the student council, they’re the strongest councils in Japan.
Kelloggs: Yeah, student councils get to decide everything. That’s how Japan works.
ParticularlyPeeved: Did you think Abenomics were developed by Abe? No, it was the student council president.
Kelloggs: That’s the ranking of positions in Japan. Number 2 is the prime minister and number 1 is student council president.
Kelloggs: Oh wait, the new girl’s here.
Kelloggs: That was the most epic hallway collision ever.
PumpkinMochi: Oh, pantyshot?
Kelloggs: Not for us! This show’s bullshit, you guys.
Shinzen: Yeah! Bring back Testament!
PumpkinMochi: Doki doki.
Kelloggs: See, your attack names are too long. You need to shorten that. If you have to say Livingston Daisy every time you attack, that’s very inefficient.
Shinzen: I keep confusing the Rakudai shit with this.
Kelloggs: That’s the point.
Shinzen: I’m like, wasn’t he supposed to be weak? Oh wait no, that’s Rakudai. What was the gimmick with this guy? Oh right, he has seals on his maximum power.
Kelloggs: Oh, those are her legs.
PumpkinMochi: …What did you think?
Kelloggs: They looked like boobs for a second, okay?
PumpkinMochi: That would make no sense if you think about it!
Kelloggs: I know, that’s why I was confused! But then I was like oh, it’s her legs.
Shinzen: I think you just have your head in the gutter, Kelloggs.
ParticularlyPeeved: Yeah, I had no idea how you got that but okay.
Kelloggs: I’m just saying that when you see a girl and there’s these two round pieces of flesh in front of her chest…
PumpkinMochi: But she’s wearing a shirt and-
Kelloggs: I don’t know, maybe she took it off.
PumpkinMochi: But they’re moving upward. Yeah, you’re just a pervert. I’m sorry.
Kelloggs: Hey man, you’re saying they’re moving up but anime isn’t known for its realistic boob physics.
PumpkinMochi: She’s wearing a shirt! Why would-
Kelloggs: Because sometimes you take the shirt off and it pushes them up.
PumpkinMochi: SHE WASN’T TAKING HER SHIRT OFF.
Kelloggs: Maybe she was, I don’t know! I had a fraction of a second to react, okay?
Shinzen: Yeah, I know but no one else reacted so I think your head’s in the gutter.
Kelloggs: You guys aren’t on the proper lookout for boobs. You need to be eternally vigilant, ready for them to show up at a moment’s notice. So what were we talking about?
Kelloggs: Yeah, McFail wants some time alone with him.
PumpkinMochi: While they do that, let’s talk.
Kelloggs: He’s like “Women, amirite?”
PumpkinMochi: Hey come over to my place. You like Netflix?
Kelloggs: I don’t know, I’m starting to think McFail and Saya might be a good ship.
Kelloggs: It’s like Gamagori and whatshername from Kill la Kill. Except this show’s better.
Shinzen: See, he’s not that bad.
Kelloggs: Yeah, he’s like “I didn’t know he was using me, I didn’t want to be evil. I just kinda wanted to be a self-important jerk.
ParticularlyPeeved: I’m just gonna bounce around.
PumpkinMochi: She can’t wear that lab coat properly also.
Kelloggs: She’s basically like the guy from Dance with Devils who always shows his shoulders.
Kelloggs: I like this girl, I like this girl a lot.
Shinzen: Yeah, your weapon sucks!
Kelloggs: She’s like… perverse notions? That’s my cue.
Shinzen: I’m trying to remember who that girl reminds me of.
PumpkinMochi: Which one?
Shinzen: The hyper one. She sort of reminds me of Tsuruya. And someone else.
Kelloggs: McFail’s is like “I’m out. I have more important shit to do, like polishing my axe.”
Kelloggs: I’m just gonna lean back like this. Yep, that’s a good lean.
Kelloggs: This girl’s incapable of standing up straight, she always has to be at some kind of angle.
Kelloggs: This story is about the latter. Dun dun! …nobody? Nobody? Fuck all you all.
ParticularlyPeeved: What were you talking about?
Kelloggs: You guys don’t get a good Law and Order reference. You guys suck.
PumpkinMochi: You said it wrong. Maybe. I don’t know.
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh my god, a slap?
Kelloggs: Does that guy have a ponytail?
Kelloggs: Bark like a dog!
Kelloggs: Or that. That’s also a good request.
Kelloggs: This is like 19th century Wild West shit. Everything must be settled with duels.
ParticularlyPeeved: So basically she has to lose to get him to stop.
Kelloggs: So if I lose, he’ll leave me alone. If I win, he can still beat my ass. This is a tough decision.
Kelloggs: Time to activate my boob button!
PumpkinMochi: Oh man, katana.
Kelloggs: No you totally can. Just lose it. There’s no reason for you to try. What are you even doing?
Kelloggs: Shut up, Sunohara.
ParticularlyPeeved: But Sunohara’s the best.
Kelloggs: You’re not wrong.
ParticularlyPeeved: He was so convinced that Tomoyo was a guy.
ParticularlyPeeved: She also missed apparently.
Kelloggs: Why are you trying! I still don’t get it!
PumpkinMochi: Maybe she has a reputation to uphold.
ParticularlyPeeved: What? How?
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh. Is that how you win? Or lose.
Kelloggs: Okay, I get to keep beating her ass.
PumpkinMochi: He was probably gonna do that either way.
Kelloggs: That said, I like her tights.
PumpkinMochi: Oh, that’s why she couldn’t lose. You don’t want to lose your #1 rank.
ParticularlyPeeved: Does she loses her #1 rank if she loses a duel?
PumpkinMochi: If it’s an official duel, then probably yes.
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh, that would make him automatic rank 1 then.
PumpkinMochi: No, he’d just go up a couple ranks. Like in college football, you don’t go from unranked to #1 if you beat the #1 team.
ParticularlyPeeved: Wait, what?
PumpkinMochi: Well then, can’t wait for the next episode!
Rakudai Kishi no Calvary ep. 05
PumpkinMochi: Oh yeah, that happened.
Kelloggs: Apparently that’s all it takes for them to become lovers.
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh, this is the show with the hair color thing.
Kelloggs: Look at that red hair!
PumpkinMochi: It’s fucking pink, you dumbass.
Kelloggs: Fuck you dude.
PumpkinMochi: He won five matches already?
ParticularlyPeeved: No one can call him The Worst One anymore.
PumpkinMochi: He has a new title?
Shinzen: Hahaha, “Another One”?
PumpkinMochi: Oh man, everyone wants to learn about his swordsmanship.
ParticularlyPeeved: His uncrowned swordsmanship.
PumpkinMochi: All the other guys hate him.
Kelloggs: Well yeah, nobody likes them because they all have fucked up faces.
Kelloggs: You’d think they would be used to this by now.
Kelloggs: Wait, what happened to their room? This wasn’t their room before!
PumpkinMochi: Wait, this wasn’t their room?
Kelloggs: No, they didn’t have that wallpaper or that couch. Or that big window on the side.
PumpkinMochi: They renovated.
Shinzen: Why don’t they just fuck already?
ParticularlyPeeved: They have a renovated room, and he has an uncrowned sword. They might as well.
PumpkinMochi: Time to fuck?
Shinzen: Sex? Do it!
Kelloggs: THIS MOTHERFUCKER.
Shinzen: Just touch his penis, it’s that easy.
Kelloggs: Goddamnit, Shinzen!
PumpkinMochi: This is training? Standing on one leg?
Kelloggs: See, the trick is to stand completely still so they don’t have to animate this.
Kelloggs: See it’s funny because girls are dumb.
Kelloggs: It’s the fucked up face group!
PumpkinMochi: Oh god, what’s wrong with your faceeeeee.
Everyone: WHAT. AHAHAHAHA
Shinzen: This show is so dumb.
Shinzen: I hate this show so much.
Kelloggs: We just want to have normal faces like you!
ParticularlyPeeved: Hey Kelloggs, I think there’s something wrong with your monitor because I don’t think her hair’s red.
Kelloggs: Her hair’s clearly red, fuck off dude.
Shinzen: See look, even Peeved agrees.
Kelloggs: I don’t care how thirsty he is. It’s nothing compared to how thirsty Stella is.
Kelloggs: You sucked spit out of his mouth in episode two, like what the fuck man. Why are you worked up over an indirect kiss.
Kelloggs: Heh short sword. Heh heh.
PumpkinMochi: Shut up Kelloggs.
Kelloggs: You seem to be having love trouble so I’m gonna teach you about BL.
PumpkinMochi: Oh god, don’t do it.
Shinzen: I hate this show so much.
Kelloggs: This is good content, you guys.
ParticularlyPeeved: So basically, a character in a game in the show has a better face than all the male characters in the show.
Kelloggs: You’re not wrong.
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh, we’re gonna have a pool episode. For training.
Kelloggs: You know, I thought you could come see me with a bunch of other girls in swimsuits so that you can get more mad.
PumpkinMochi: Oh, even the other guys are going.
Kelloggs: Yeah, they invited the Shitty Face Club.
Kelloggs: You don’t use Logic like I do because you’re a woman.
PumpkinMochi: Does he know that? Because I don’t think he does.
Kelloggs: She should tell him.
Kelloggs: Oh nice.
Kelloggs: Okay, okay.
PumpkinMochi: Ten out of ten.
Kelloggs: Who’s this? She looks ominous.
PumpkinMochi: She’s in the ending, so she’s probably important.
PumpkinMochi: Now stand on one leg in the pool. I’ll be back in half a hour.
Kelloggs: Hello, I’m Stella. I have nothing going on in my life except for this guy. My entire motivation is just to impress this guy.Kelloggs: How deep is that pool?
ParticularlyPeeved: Wasn’t it a fountain just now?
ParticularlyPeeved: I don’t know what sort of fountain this is.
PumpkinMochi: Did you touch his penis?
PumpkinMochi: But isn’t it a journalist’s job to get the truth out?
PumpkinMochi: But he made out with his goddamn sister in the middle of a hallway.
Kelloggs: Yeah, I’m starting to suspect they might not be lovers, you guys.
PumpkinMochi: You need to stop being such a goddamn tsundere.
Shinzen: Yeah, touch his penis.
Kelloggs: Shut up, Shinzen.
ParticularlyPeeved: That fountain became really big now.
Shinzen: Does anyone else think that fountain looks like a penis?
PumpkinMochi: I did too.
ParticularlyPeeved: Where are they sitting?
Shinzen: They’re inside of the penis.
PumpkinMochi: Oh okay, he actually knows they’re dating.
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh god man.
Kelloggs: Stappppp. Ugh..
Shinzen: What is this perspective? I thought they were inside the fountain.
Kelloggs: Goddamnit, woman!
PumpkinMochi: Are they actually arguing about this?
ParticularlyPeeved: They apparently confessed, but this is not going to work, right?
Kelloggs: He’s such a charmer.
ParticularlyPeeved: This conversation…
PumpkinMochi: Yes! Why? Just fuck already!
Kelloggs: Seriously, what is this perspective?
PumpkinMochi: Don’t think about it, it’ll only hurt if you do.
Kelloggs: Do it! Do it!
Kelloggs: Now it’s all rainbows outside, I don’t know. Are they watching this from the outside and changing the lighting?
PumpkinMochi: They did it!
Kelloggs: It’s over? They did it? Can we go home now then?
Kelloggs: Woah, jeez. I need a chibi Stella to censor that.
PumpkinMochi: Oh, they have to fight student council members.
Kelloggs: Well, in the previous show, we established that student councils are the most powerful people in the world so this is trouble.
Kelloggs: So relationships are tough, you guys. You just have to be able to talk to each other and it’s not easy. You guys are being disrespectful by saying “Oh why don’t they fuck already.” It’s not that simple. Sometimes you need to sit in some type of fountain in a vague location that has differing perspectives and yell at each other for five minutes, then say “Okay, let’s kiss.” That’s how relationships work.