Technical problems prevented me from doing a post on Valkyrie Drive and the third episodes of Asterisk and Rakudai, but I’m back this week with our post on the fourth episodes of the two aforementioned magic high school shows, both of which have our protagonist squaring off against a comically evil rival.
Gakusen Toshi Asterisk ep. 04
Shinzen: I can’t remember why she’s in this building. Why were the bad guys after her again?
Keidence: She got called out here and she went to meet them.
ParticularlyPeeved: So I’m guessing main character is gonna go save her or something.
ParticularlyPeeved: Look at me, I’m an evil guy.
PumpkinMochi: Oh no, it’s Ringo Starr!
Kelloggs: No, it’s George Harrison.
PumpkinMochi: It was me…
Kelloggs: George Harrison!
PumpkinMochi: Aw, that doesn’t sound as good as Dio.
Kelloggs: This is my angry face.
ParticularlyPeeved: This is my “I’m thinking what to say now” face because I’m trying to look at you but not look at you. Don’t you think my nose looks awesome?
Kelloggs: Guys, I think he’s getting eviler.
Kelloggs: It’s the MacDaddy of Fails! Oh, it looks like he’s on her side now.
PumpkinMochi: Yeah, he’s like “You used me, George Harrison!”
PumpkinMochi: I am so evil right now.
Kelloggs: His attitude is basically Chinese students in business school. All the other students are my enemy. I want the same jobs and internships as you, so fuck you all.
Kelloggs: It’s an axe. It’s Axcalibur.
ParticularlyPeeved: Okay fine.
PumpkinMochi: Oh no, they all have lightsabers!
Kelloggs: This is like General Grievous.
PumpkinMochi: He has exactly 128 of them?
ParticularlyPeeved: He has one byte, you know. He’s filled up all the bits now.
Kelloggs: It’s 8-bit signed.
ParticularlyPeeved: 8-bit unsigned, I think.
Kelloggs: No, that would go up to 256. 8-bit signed would go up to 128.
Keidence: Someone should tell him to use unsigned and get twice as many.
Kelloggs: Yeah, exactly. What an idiot!
Kelloggs: This is actually pretty cool. I like her.
Keidence: That’s what I’ve been saying, the fight scenes in this are way better than in Rakudai.
Kelloggs: Yeah, I mean that’s way down on the list of things I care about in these shows but all else equal, sure I’ll take it.
Kelloggs: Oh! Not the thigh.
Keidence: Not the ZR!
Kelloggs: Here he is!
PumpkinMochi: Oh man, look at his giant lightsaber.
Kelloggs: You were about to get your ass beat, shut up.
Kelloggs: Everybody knows the coolest guys have purple lightsabers.
ParticularlyPeeved: Wait, they can’t even stay in formation? What a pathetic army.
Shinzen: Why doesn’t he put her down somewhere safe?
PumpkinMochi: Hey man, he needs to make sure she’s totally safe.
ParticularlyPeeved: And apparently the safest idea is keeping one arm of his out of action.
PumpkinMochi: He’s that powerful, he doesn’t need both arms.
Kelloggs: Purple lightsaber, biatch.
ParticularlyPeeved: Wait, he didn’t say checkmate?
PumpkinMochi: Yeah, he’s doing it wrong.
Shinzen: I mean, I can imagine what you guys would have said if he said “Checkmate.”
ParticularlyPeeved: But he should have.
Kelloggs: Yeah, it would have been opposite.
PumpkinMochi: Oh, he has a secret weapon.
ParticularlyPeeved: It’s the queen!
Shinzen: Armored gorilla!
Kelloggs: Guillotine gorilla! Guillotine gorilla!
ParticularlyPeeved: For a second it reminded me of Alphonse Elric, but then it turned into a gorilla.
Shinzen: I feel like this fight dragged on too long.
ParticularlyPeeved: What the?
PumpkinMochi: It’s his escape plan.
Shinzen: I was hoping they would do it, and they sort of did it in the first episode, which I thought was real cool. But I liked it when they showed he was overpowered but they didn’t really draw attention to it and they just finished things really fast.
Kelloggs: Is that so she can grab on to his control stick?
PumpkinMochi: Now he did it!
Kelloggs: It’s a sunset! It’s a good show, you guys.
PumpkinMochi: Oh no! I guess he can’t use his weapon for too long?
Kelloggs: Any weapon activation lasting longer than four hours, please see a doctor.
Kelloggs: Oh, his sister’s kinda kinky, I see.
Kelloggs: Lap pillow?
Kelloggs: Yep, lap pillow. Nice.
ParticularlyPeeved: Just stay here already!
Kelloggs: Get back in place, man.
Kelloggs: So Mochi, since you’re a Rachnera fan, does that mean the sister is your favorite?
PumpkinMochi: That would be the logical conclusion, yeah.
Keidence: She does have glasses.
Kelloggs: Mochi’s not a big glasses fan though. He’s not Team Glasses like you and me.
PumpkinMochi: They’re okay.
PumpkinMochi: Oh, they started playing the ending theme.
Shinzen: I feel like this scene would be really cool if the last episode wasn’t Exposition Central and they did a little bit more with him and her. I liked everything that happened in the last couple of scenes but it’s like there’s no… it’s almost there but not quite there.
Kelloggs: Yeah, I don’t feel the connection between them as much as I would like.
Shinzen: I like how they’re dealing with the interaction and like how they’re coming to that conclusion and stuff, but ehh..
Kelloggs: Oh my god, heterochromia. Nice.
Kelloggs: She killed George Harrison, this is what ended the Beatles.
PumpkinMochi: Wait, the bro character?
Shinzen: Well yeah, they already implied that he was smarter than he looked.
ParticularlyPeeved: Is it over?
Shinzen: No wait, we didn’t get the ending! Fuck!
Kelloggs: They played the song, dude. What do you want?
Shinzen: I know! I don’t care, I want the fucking ending.
PumpkinMochi: They needed to have a touching moment.
Shinzen: They could have transitioned that into the ending. I guess they needed more time.
Rakudai Kishi no Calvary ep. 04
PumpkinMochi: It’s finally begun…
Kelloggs: No, the selection match just started, this isn’t even the real thing yet. This is like the Ring of Blood where you get some dumbass.
Shinzen: What is this fight for?
Kelloggs: This is the preliminary match for the selection match for the real match.
Kelloggs: It gets hot in that suit of armor, you know.
PumpkinMochi: Yeah, did you see how much fire there was?
Keidence: Maybe this is what happens when you don’t seed anything. The early rounds are like a pro team against a bronze.
PumpkinMochi: Well, it didn’t take long for her clothes to come off.
Kelloggs: Why is he just sitting there?
Shinzen: It’s because he’s…. uh…
PumpkinMochi: The onee-san?
Kelloggs: I want to be the best journalist, and my strategy is to run in on people in the bathroom. The best journalist!
PumpkinMochi: Look Kelloggs, did you go to journalism school?
PumpkinMochi: No, you didn’t.
PumpkinMochi: Oh right, he has to fight that one guy.
Shinzen: Which guy?
PumpkinMochi: The one who showed up at the end of the last episode and just kicked ass at the mall.
Shinzen: Oh yeah.
Kelloggs: What’s with this guy?
Keidence: He’s like the guy from Asterisk.
PumpkinMochi: Oh, George Harrison.
Kelloggs: I kinda like the idea of matching all of these people as being in both shows. Like this guy has to change his wig really quick and run over to the other set for his Asterisk scenes.
PumpkinMochi: That water just… what?
Kelloggs: It’s on a timer. This is the Bellagio of magic high schools.
PumpkinMochi: Oh hello, who are you?
Shinzen: It’s the weird loli that’s like…
PumpkinMochi: Oh, it’s probably the headmaster of the school.
Kelloggs: What is with your hairbow? That’s way too much bow.
PumpkinMochi: Wow, what a slut.
Kelloggs: I… I can’t disagree.
PumpkinMochi: Why is she the public walking indecency?
SerendipitouslySane: She has her shoulders exposed, that’s clearly against public morals.
Kelloggs: Shoulders are lewd, man.
PumpkinMochi: Wait, what the fuck is happening?
Kelloggs: He just played an invisible piano and spawned a forest? And then vanished?
PumpkinMochi: That’s bullshit that he gets to pick the map.
Kelloggs: Wait, are you telling me that the tournament isn’t properly evaluating this guy either?
PumpkinMochi: See, he knew he was going to win.
Kelloggs: He knew this because…
PumpkinMochi: He’s actually The Best One.
Keidence: Your organ?
PumpkinMochi: Oh, his heart.
Kelloggs: I’m pretty that when someone refers to a guy’s organ like that, they mean something else.
PumpkinMochi: Oh my god, is this happening? This is actually happening.
Kelloggs: Fuck. This. Show.
Shinzen: Ahaha. Goddamnit this show.
Kelloggs: What??? No!
Kelloggs: Ahahaha. I’m sorry, that ear pick during Stella’s speech was hilarious.
Kelloggs: That would work for me.
Kelloggs: As opposed to his sad brain?
SerendipitouslySane: I think my brain’s pretty sad.
Shinzen: What? Really?
SerendipitouslySane: He’s been standing in the same place the whole time?
Shinzen: Maybe he’s like really good with attack patterns.
Kelloggs: What about the part where every part of his body was ripped apart by arrows?
Shinzen: Flesh wound.
SerendipitouslySane: Her name is Saikyo?
Kelloggs: So she’s the Best One.
Kelloggs: This guy is so logical, you can’t stop him!
Shinzen: So is he still invisible?
Keidence: No, he can see him. He has truesight.
Kelloggs: Yeah, his Logic gave him truesight.
Keidence: We did it guys!
SerendipitouslySane: Yeah, that was totally unexpected.
Kelloggs: Fuck yeah! And it’s all thanks to logic!
PumpkinMochi: Dude, he’s already seen you naked.
Shinzen: I thought that’s what you watch this show for.
Kelloggs: I watch it to make fun of it.
SerendipitouslySane: You watch it because you hate yourself.
Shinzen: I thought you watch this show because of Stella.
Kelloggs: But She’s… she’s doing…
Shinzen: She’s doing normal Stella stuff.
Kelloggs: The whole “you watched me drooling” thing is dumb.
PumpkinMochi: She’s dumb anyway, so whatever.
Kelloggs: Like this part’s kinda cute.
Keidence: Kiss scene!
Kelloggs: No, they’re gonna get interrupted by someone coming in the door.
Keidence: But the symbolism!
SerendipitouslySane: That doesn’t count.
PumpkinMochi: Dude, how did he not know? She literally shoved her boobs into his back.
Shinzen: Hey man, maybe it was an accident.
PumpkinMochi: Uh, no. But…
Shinzen: Maybe she shoved her boobs in his back in the way a servant would have done it.
Kelloggs: Yeah, I think Shinzen has a point.
Shinzen: I think servants do that sometimes.
PumpkinMochi: I hate you all.
Kelloggs: What, have you ever had a servant?
Kelloggs: Then shut the fuck up, you don’t know. I’m just saying it’s possible.