The new season is here, and we recently got together to watch two variations on a classic storyline about a boy (attending a magic high school) meeting a girl (semi-naked) and going through trials and tribulations (having to duel her because she’s mad over being peeped on). In other words, they’re essentially the same terrible show.
Rakudai Kishi no Cavalry ep. 01
Kelloggs: Yellow subs, this is so old style.
Shinzen: Yeah… fucking yellow subs?
Kelloggs: I think this is Hulu’s fault.
SerendipitouslySane: Is that Smith?
PumpkinMochi: What are you talking about, her hairstyle is completely different.
Kelloggs: Hey Smith!
SerendipitouslySane: This sounds like some Mahouka bullshit.
ParticularlyPeeved: Goddamnit, blazers?
Kelloggs: He’s not even wearing one!
SerendipitouslySane: That sounds like some Absolute Duo bullshit.
ParticularlyPeeved: Doesn’t the L sound like a R in Japanese? So he’s saying he’s a Brazer.
Kelloggs: Yeah, he’s a Brazzer.
PumpkinMochi: Oh no, a tale of worst one. I hope this lives up to its name.
PumpkinMochi: Oh, why are there girl boots there?
SerendipitouslySane: That’s some nice underwear though.
Kelloggs: But like, why is she wearing it like that?
PumpkinMochi: Wait, wasn’t she in his apartment?
SerendipitouslySane: Why are her boobs-
PumpkinMochi: Yeah, something doesn’t look right there.
Kelloggs: Can we establish why she was in his room, in her underwear? Like she’s all “What the fuck, man. Why’d you look at me?” and it’s like “Dude, you were in my room. What do you want?”
Kelloggs: Oh yeah, she’s definitely Smith. That’s a total Smith move right there.
Kelloggs: Her face didn’t match what she was saying right there.
PumpkinMochi: Eh, whatever.
PumpkinMochi: Wait, it was her room? Did he accidentally go into her room? Is that what happened?
SerendipitouslySane: They’re roommates, it always happens.
Kelloggs: This guy’s best, man.
SerendipitouslySane: Double down on the-
PumpkinMochi: You made her get all wet.
Kelloggs: How dare you tell an unmarried woman that? You aren’t allowed to tell me I’m
PumpkinMochi: Oh god, they are roommates.
SerendipitouslySane: See, I told you!
Kelloggs: I think that’s anime cliche bingo at this point.
Kelloggs: He’s the worst, he couldn’t even get the D.
PumpkinMochi: I demand trial by combat.
SerendipitouslySane: I predicted all of this.
Kelloggs: You’ve watched too much anime, Sane.
SerendipitouslySane: My preview was basically entirely on point. And I am sad.
PumpkinMochi: They should have been in room 420. Because they’re Blazers.
Kelloggs: Goddamnit, that would have been perfect.
PumpkinMochi: Oh my gooooooood.
Kelloggs: No no no. Don’t. Don’t.
PumpkinMochi: It’s time to d-d-duel!
Kelloggs: This looks like the first episode of World Break.
SerendipitouslySane: No shit.
SerendipitouslySane: This is just like Trinity Seven.
PumpkinMochi: That background girl is probably gonna be a main character too.
PumpkinMochi: Wait what.
SerendipitouslySane: That’s a pretty nice outfit, I must say.
Kelloggs: Oh yeah, her style game is on point.
PumpkinMochi: IT’S OVER 3000!
PumpkinMochi: What the fuck. I bet she’s the principal of the school.
SerendipitouslySane: Yeah, basically. Has to be.
Shinzen: I hate this show.
ParticularlyPeeved: But it’s a sports anime, Shinzen.
PumpkinMochi: Shut up, Peeved.
Shinzen: Of course it’s a special ability.
PumpkinMochi: Wait, what’s his special ability? I missed a line.
Shinzen: He can copy techniques.
Kelloggs: She’s like “No, fuck your shit.”
ParticularlyPeeved: Wow, you just caused enough damage to be expelled.
Kelloggs: So why is he a F-rank again?
PumpkinMochi: Uhh… reasons? He’s just hiding his true power.
Kelloggs: This feels like Mahouka all over again.
Shinzen: OH GOD. PLEASE NO.
Kelloggs: YES. Come on, do it!
Shinzen: Oh thank god.
Kelloggs: Damn it, I wanted her clothes to explode.
Kelloggs: The tests don’t evaluate what he’s really good at.
PumpkinMochi: Oh my god, this really is Mahouka all over again!
Shinzen: It’s the same light novel power fantasy bullshit.
Kelloggs: He’s wearing his Steve Jobs cosplay.
SerendipitouslySane: It’s a tactical turtleneck.
Kelloggs: Uh oh. This is awkward.
PumpkinMochi: How do you not- Just pull your arm out, come on!
Kelloggs: She wants it, dude.
PumpkinMochi: See, there you go.
PumpkinMochi: Oh, she’s straddling him now.
Kelloggs: What! What!
SerendipitouslySane: Ahahaha. Goddamn it!
PumpkinMochi: Sounds fair to me.
PumpkinMochi: I can see forever!
Kelloggs: This fucking shoooow.
Kelloggs: God, this motherfucker.
ParticularlyPeeved: Woah, where did that come from?
PumpkinMochi: She wants the D.
Kelloggs: She really does.
SerendipitouslySane: She wants the F.
PumpkinMochi: To be fair, did you see his abs?
Kelloggs: Yeah, he’s got abs for days.
PumpkinMochi: Yeah, fist bump!
Kelloggs: So yeah… that was really bad. But I kinda enjoyed it. As far as by-the-book battle fantasy fanservice show go, it wasn’t the worst thing.
PumpkinMochi: Are you saying it wasn’t The Worst One?
Kelloggs: It wasn’t the worst one. This show is false advertising.
Keidence: I thought this made Mahouka look good.
Kelloggs: I don’t know. The thing is, I liked Mahouka’s first episode. I don’t think this will go to the awful places Mahouka went to. This is Mahouka without shitty politics. Maybe it will though.
Shinzen: It probably will.
PumpkinMochi: Alright, I think it’s time to watch the exact same show and put on Asterisk.
Gakusen Toshi Asterisk ep. 01
Shinzen: Oh, it’s Char.
Kelloggs: I only know Char as the guy people always joked about when Ichika nicknamed Charlotte “Char” in Infinite Stratos.
SerendipitouslySane: I mean, isn’t that Char? Is there another Char?
PumpkinMochi: From Gundam.
Kelloggs: Yeah, that one. And people would put his mask on Charlotte as a joke.
ParticularlyPeeved: Look at all these hexagons.
PumpkinMochi: Oh no!
Kelloggs: Nooo! Her glasses! Aw come on, don’t show that. That’s painful.
SerendipitouslySane: I’m gonna make broken glasses my fetish from now on.
Kelloggs: Don’t do that, it’s rude.
Keidence: Yeah, I don’t think we can be friends anymore.
Kelloggs: I’m just gonna fly up into that girl’s room to return a handkerchief, seems like a good idea.
Kelloggs: IT’S THE SAME DAMN SHOW.
SerendipitouslySane: Show your abs, that’ll solve the problem.
PumpkinMochi: I hope they turn out to be roommates at the end too.
SerendipitouslySane: Suddenly I think you’re a nice guy and I want to fuck you.
PumpkinMochi: Hey, he did return her handkerchief.
Kelloggs: I don’t know, I’ll have to see his abs first before I decide.
PumpkinMochi: Okay, here we go. Yep. Time to beat him up.
Kelloggs: Cool guys don’t look at-
Kelloggs: No wait, don’t look at the explosion!
ParticularlyPeeved: This really is the same show. I’m gonna use my actual power now and do something.
Kelloggs: And she even has fire powers too.
PumpkinMochi: I made that joke already in the last show.
Shinzen: This character designer looks really familiar.
Kelloggs: Okay, I can dig it.
ParticularlyPeeved: Woah! Look at that pivot!
SerendipitouslySane: This isn’t happening according to the script!
Kelloggs: Come on. Hand on boob, hand on boob!
PumpkinMochi: And of course he squeezes it.
Kelloggs: So Cecilia’s here now. Claudia Enfield is basically the same name as Cecilia Alcott.
Kelloggs: She even has the same underwear from the last show.
Shinzen: But it’s on a different girl.
Kelloggs: Doesn’t matter, the components are all here.
Kelloggs: Boobs. Boobs. Boobs!
Shinzen: I thought you didn’t like this show, Kelloggs. It had broken glasses and everything.
Kelloggs: Well, if it goes back to the broken glasses, all bets are off. Other than that, it’s been pretty good so far.
Kelloggs: Wooooooooah, abs!
Shinzen: At least these Mahouka clones are well animated.
PumpkinMochi: Wait, 50 to 70% off… something.
Kelloggs: That’s a huge sale. We need to go right now to Asterisk City, you guys.
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh god, it is Mahouka. It’s time for the inter-school competition.
PumpkinMochi: Oh no! Not… urm manadite.
Kelloggs: I know what that means. It’s a very meaningful statement from her.
PumpkinMochi: Oh my god, she’s still talking?
Kelloggs: Get to the part where you show us your abs again.
SerendipitouslySane: I knew this would happen!
PumpkinMochi: Wait, they know each other?
ParticularlyPeeved: She’s gonna be his sister in a different form!
PumpkinMochi: No! Please no!
Kelloggs: Where’d you get that nail bat?
SerendipitouslySane: It’s one of the weapons the academy owns.
Shinzen: Some of the art reminds me of OreImo.
SerendipitouslySane: Fuck you.
PumpkinMochi: Oh man, it’s the bro character!
Kelloggs: Sup bro.
Shinzen: I want an anime about a bro character.
SerendipitouslySane: You mean Nozaki-kun?
Shinzen: I didn’t watch Nozaki-kun.
SerendipitouslySane: What’s wrong with you?
Shinzen: I don’t know, I saw half of it and didn’t think it was interesting.
Keidence: You mean Ore Monogatari?
Shinzen: I was thinking that but it’s different. I want a show that’s actually about a bro character.
Kelloggs: But then he’s not the bro character anymore.
Shinzen: No, it’d be about him being in the bro position and he’ll have his protagonist friend to help.
SerendipitouslySane: He’s very good at recognizing seiyuu.
Shinzen: Oh yeah, I forgot. If he doesn’t want to compete in the tournament, does he still get a scholarship?
SerendipitouslySane: IT’S OVER 9000!
PumpkinMochi: Lester McPhail?! Maybe he should stop trying to duel Julis when his name is fuckin’ McFail.
PumpkinMochi: Nooo! Not the handkerchief!
Kelloggs: I don’t know why you’re looking at the handkerchief when that guy has a star for a belly button.
ParticularlyPeeved: It’s an asterisk!
ParticularlyPeeved: Are you gonna fight the guy or not?
Kelloggs: That’ll be next episode.
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh god, come on! Okay, I’m never gonna see it so whatever.
PumpkinMochi: No, Peeved. You’re gonna watch it. I’m gonna make you.
Kelloggs: Cecilia’s best girl in this, right? We’re all in agreement?
PumpkinMochi: Yeah, I agree.
PumpkinMochi: Kuudere spotted.
SerendipitouslySane: Best girl!
PumpkinMochi: Not too sure about that, she’s a loli. Goddamn perverts.