Pedantic Perspective Watches: DanMachi ep. 5

Some highlights this episode include a enormous bath filled with questionable liquid, Evangelion-esque dream sequences, and CriticalMiss coming up with a weird euphemism. Unfortunately, this episode was boring just like the last one, and our interest in this show continues its slide.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_12.22_[2015.05.05_23.56.53]

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_00.09_[2015.05.04_22.00.06][HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_00.11_[2015.05.04_22.00.12]

Kelloggs: What a jerk!

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_00.15_[2015.05.04_22.00.41]

Shinzen: Which girl? Oh right, he was going on a date with glasses/not in glasses girl.

PumpkinMochi: No, she’s talking about the bag loli.

CriticalMiss: Oh yeah, by the way PumpkinMochi.

PumpkinMochi: Yes?

CriticalMiss: Why in last week’s post, it seems that I’m only focusing on the bag loli?

PumpkinMochi: Look, I work with what I get.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_00.47_[2015.05.04_22.05.19]

PumpkinMochi: Oh my god, what is wrong with Hestia?

Kelloggs: I’m sorry, drunk Hestia is cute.

PumpkinMochi: Oh, so when Loki drinks, she’s a lush but-

Kelloggs: Yeah, pretty much.

PumpkinMochi: Fuck. I don’t like this double standard. CriticalMiss, you should make more comments about boobs, and maybe I’ll put that in the post.

Kelloggs: CriticalMiss, just start going, “Yep, those boobs sure are great, huh? Yep. Boobs. Sure do like them. It’s like a bag of sand.”

ParticularlyPeeved: What?

Kelloggs: Have you seen The 40-Year Old Virgin?

ParticularlyPeeved: No.

Kelloggs: There’s a scene where’s he’s trying to describe what he thinks sexual exploits might be like, and he describes a breast as being like a bag of sand and everyone is like “Wait a minute, you never done this before, have you?”

shakycam

ParticularlyPeeved: Wow, what’s going on?

PumpkinMochi: Oh no, not shaky cam!

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_02.31_[2015.05.04_22.14.49]

Kelloggs: Divine hangover right here. Does she sleep in the boobstring? I guess if she comes home and just passes out, maybe she just leaves it on. But she was able to undo her twintails, so I don’t know. It’s inconclusive.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_03.31_[2015.05.04_22.35.55]

Kelloggs: Is it shooting piss out of its mouth? Because that’s what it looks like.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_03.46_[2015.05.04_22.38.20]

Kelloggs: I mean, look at this. What is in this bath? Like… that’s not water!

PumpkinMochi: Oh god, ugh.

CriticalMiss: Probably they just put some special-

hestiabounce

PumpkinMochi: Jesus Christ…

Kelloggs: Hey hey hey. No touchy, no touchy.

Kelloggs: She just got her whole towel wet too.

PumpkinMochi; I know! Who does that.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_04.11_[2015.05.04_22.42.20]

PumpkinMochi: Slut.

Kelloggs: It’s just Bell!

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_04.20_[2015.05.04_22.43.26][HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_04.21_[2015.05.04_22.43.30]

PumpkinMochi: Time to announce it to everyone!

Kelloggs: See, she’s never been with other men. They’re all so shocked that she could have a man because-

PumpkinMochi: Because she just sleeps around all the time?

Kelloggs: No! Because… goddamnit. You cut that out. Focus on… the frothing pool of piss.

PumpkinMochi: No! I don’t want to.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.06_[2015.05.04_22.54.59]

PumpkinMochi: What are you wearing? Where’s the boobstring?

ParticularlyPeeved: It’s probably there.

Kelloggs: It’s under the shirt. Whatever.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.18_[2015.05.04_22.56.04]

PumpkinMochi: Word travels fast.

Kelloggs: Why is she carrying a frame?

frame hit

Kelloggs: What?! Was that frame there just to take out Hestia?

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.30_[2015.05.04_23.00.19]

Kelloggs: So is she the goddess of NTR or something?

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.38_[2015.05.04_23.01.50]

PumpkinMochi: Woah.

Kelloggs: Oh hello! Yep, she’s definitely the goddess of NTR.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_06.06_[2015.05.04_23.03.22]

CriticalMiss: Woah woah.

PumpkinMochi: What, why? You could have just-, never mind.

ParticularlyPeeved: They could have just stood on the balcony.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_07.14_[2015.05.04_23.06.50]

PumpkinMochi: Oh hey, she’s back.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_07.17_[2015.05.04_23.07.23]

Kelloggs: And then there’s this asshole.

ParticularlyPeeved: He’s stealing all her money? What’s going on?

PumpkinMochi: Yeah, the money she got from Bell.

ParticularlyPeeved: Oh yeah, he just gave it to her, I forgot.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_08.01_[2015.05.04_23.10.08]

ParticularlyPeeved: But that knife doesn’t sell for anything.

Kelloggs: She can find a different pawn shop.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_08.22_[2015.05.04_23.12.00] [HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_08.29_[2015.05.04_23.11.56]

PumpkinMochi: What a mystery!

Kelloggs: I don’t give a fuck, she’s a traitor. She’s dead to me.

fire attack

PumpkinMochi: Fireball!

Kelloggs: Well, fire types are strong against bug types. So are those like Kingdom Hearts enemies or something since they explode into blackness? BUT THIS ISN’T A GAME.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_09.04_[2015.05.04_23.14.43]

ParticularlyPeeved: Really?

PumpkinMochi: It’s okay, Bell probably didn’t notice since he’s kind of dumb. Oh, he did notice!

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_09.34_[2015.05.04_23.20.30]

PumpkinMochi: That sandwich looks kind of gross. It’s like purple and…

ParticularlyPeeved: Eat! I’ll give you half of my lunch.

PumpkinMochi: I’ll always give you half of everything.

Kelloggs: So they’re basically married is what you’re saying.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_10.11_[2015.05.04_23.28.32]

CriticalMiss: Seriously, what kind of food is that.

PumpkinMochi: A sandwich?

CriticalMiss: No, I mean the purple thing inside. It sounds like it’s something crispy.

Kelloggs: It looked like some sort of meat, but I”m not sure.

PumpkinMochi: Yeah, it’s just fried purple meat.

Kelloggs: It’s a purple rectangle. That’s food, just eat it.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_10.45_[2015.05.04_23.32.14]

Kelloggs: Wow, that’s rude to goblins right there. I want a goblin to show up like GEICO caveman style and go “Come on, dude. Not cool.”

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_11.30_[2015.05.04_23.35.47]

ParticularlyPeeved: The words are disappearing? What’s going on?

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_11.37_[2015.05.04_23.36.54][HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_11.48_[2015.05.04_23.37.07]

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_11.58_[2015.05.06_00.26.15]

Kelloggs: I.. what? Shit got weird, man.

ParticularlyPeeved: Did he just melt into the book?

CriticalMiss: Wasn’t he just reading the book?

ParticularlyPeeved: He’s still reading the book but using his imagination.

CriticalMiss: So is the rest of the episode just gonna be him reading the book and imagining things?

ParticularlyPeeved: It depends on how long the book is.

Kelloggs: Didn’t realize we were gonna get all Evangelion up in here.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_12.38_[2015.05.05_22.01.59]

ParticularlyPeeved: That has to be so uncomfortable.

Shinzen: Where did he get the book from again?

Kelloggs: The maid waitress girl gave it to him.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_13.03_[2015.05.05_22.04.22]

ParticularlyPeeved: Oh, look at that. He knows firebolt now.

Kelloggs: Some dual classing bullshit there.

ParticularlyPeeved: Probably burn the house down first.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_13.53_[2015.05.05_22.26.52]

PumpkinMochi: So is that like Magic Missile, it’s a beginner level spell?

Kelloggs: It’s so rude too because she went through all that trouble to get him a knife and he’s like “I want to do magic, fuck the knife.”

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_14.06_[2015.05.05_22.41.30][HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_14.20_[2015.05.05_22.41.49]

PumpkinMochi: He wants to do magic right now!

Kelloggs: This will end well.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_14.29_[2015.05.05_22.42.42]

PumpkinMochi: Oh, she sleeps with the boobstring.

Kelloggs: Okay, confirmed.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_14.58_[2015.05.05_22.47.13]

Kelloggs: “Why the fuck was I dicking around with the knife this whole time? Firebolt is so much better!”

Shinzen: What was the limitation other people have in terms of spells?

ParticularlyPeeved: Oh, they have to have a proper incantation.

PumpkinMochi: Yeah, he can just do it without that.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_15.06_[2015.05.05_22.47.52]

ParticularlyPeeved: He left all the stupid rocks.

PumpkinMochi: Yeah, what are you doing?

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_15.25_[2015.05.05_23.14.58]

PumpkinMochi: Ummm.

Kelloggs: Camera angles, you guys.

CriticalMiss: That was pretty nice.

PumpkinMochi: What was nice?

CriticalMiss: The… Her… um, damaged armor.

PumpkinMochi: What was nice about it?

CriticalMiss: Its, uh…

PumpkinMochi: I’m trying to help you out here, CriticalMiss.

Kelloggs: Hehe.

CriticalMiss: It’s the south hemisphere that’s pretty nice.

Kelloggs: You’re… ergh. Goddamnit!

PumpkinMochi: Fuck you, CriticalMiss. I tried.

Kelloggs: This goddamn lolicon over here.

PumpkinMochi: I know, seriously.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_16.15_[2015.05.05_23.21.46]

PumpkinMochi: Are we in another dream sequence? What is this?

Kelloggs: This show is weird, you guys.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_16.32_[2015.05.05_23.22.43]

CriticalMiss: South Hemisphere!!

Kelloggs: Stop calling it that!

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_16.45_[2015.05.05_23.26.09]

Kelloggs: D’awwww.

rollingaway

PumpkinMochi: Woah, time to roll away! If only Sane were here.

ParticularlyPeeved: Did he collect his rocks?

PumpkinMochi: Nope.

ParticularlyPeeved: Godamnit.

Kelloggs: I want a gif of him rolling away.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_17.33_[2015.05.05_23.30.10]

ParticularlyPeeved: Oh hey, it’s one of those.

PumpkinMochi: Oh no, please don’t have the book turn into a loli or something.

ParticularlyPeeved: For that, the book has to hang around his wrist. It’s too big here.

running into wall

ParticularlyPeeved: And he ran into the wall.

Kelloggs: No, he ran into a post.

ParticularlyPeeved: No, he ran into the wall and the post fell over.

Kelloggs: I don’t know. The point is he has no idea where the fuck’s he’s going?

bendinghouse

Kelloggs: I don’t think your house is supposed to do that.

PumpkinMochi: Oh, I think the good content is about to come. Yeah!

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_20.49_[2015.05.05_23.37.50]

CriticalMiss: Uh oh.

ParticularlyPeeved: Well now he has Firebolt.

Kelloggs: Firebolt him! Firebolt him!

PumpkinMochi: Do itttttttt.

ParticularlyPeeved: We’re best friends!

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_21.18_[2015.05.05_23.43.08]

PumpkinMochi: Oh no, you’ve made him mad. You wouldn’t like him when he’s mad.

[HorribleSubs] DanMachi - 05 [720p].mkv_snapshot_21.33_[2015.05.05_23.47.59]

ParticularlyPeeved: Now she’s gonna think that he’s conspiring against her.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Kelloggs: I don’t know what’s going on in this show anymore.

ParticularlyPeeved: I guess in episode six, she [bag girl] finally know that he’s not smart enough to conspire against anybody, and then we’ll finally get red-haired guy who’s supposed to join their party.

Kelloggs: Probably.

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