Due to a busier than expected weekend, we had to delay our viewing of the action-packed tenth episode of Testament, but we were able to watch it eventually. I’d say better late than never, but I’m not sure if it applies to a show of this caliber.
ParticularlyPeeved: So this is Return of the King, right?
Kelloggs: Yes, exactly what’s happening here.
PumpkinMochi: Oh no!
Kelloggs: Dun dun dun!
PumpkinMochi: It’s okay, Wolverine has a healing factor.
PumpkinMochi: Oh my god, she set him on fire too.
Kelloggs: Wait, what did she set on fire?
PumpkinMochi: The guy.
Kelloggs: Which guy?
Kelloggs: But then what’s the other body- oh that’s Basara. I can’t keep track of all these bodies.
PumpkinMochi: It’s only two bodies, come on.
Kelloggs: That’s one too many. I was told there would be no math.
PumpkinMochi: Umm… can’t see anything.
ParticularlyPeeved: She’s completely censored.
Kelloggs: What the fuck’s going on.
Boundless: Her mother is too lewd for TV.
Kelloggs: So wait, if she’s doing that and Mio’s right there, is this mindbreak and NTR?
PumpkinMochi: Sigh… sure why not.
Boundless: The best.
PumpkinMochi: Oh, the key! It’s finally here!
Kelloggs: The key has been inserted into her, you know.
PumpkinMochi: Her hole?
Kelloggs: Yeah, and it’s gonna unlock her- WHAT
ParticularlyPeeved: She got remodeled?
Kelloggs: It’s too bad CriticalMiss isn’t here so that we can make fun of him. I bet he would be so disappointed.
Boundless: She looks so strange, she looks exactly the same just proportionately larger.
Kelloggs: Were her ears always that pointy?
Kelloggs: Oh hey, it’s Boring.
Kelloggs: Like I said.
ParticularlyPeeved: So basically he got kidnapped and taken there while she has to walk there.
Kelloggs: I guess if they didn’t have those beams of light, we’d see the secret of how they did it. A magician never reveals their tricks, even when the trick is enlarging boobs.
PumpkinMochi: Are they actually fucking right now?
Kelloggs: They’re doing something. It’s an implied fuck. His pants are still on though.
ParticularlyPeeved: That doesn’t stop Basara.
Kelloggs: Goddamn it.
Kelloggs: He whips out his sword if you know what I mean.
Kelloggs: She whips out her… boxing gloves if you… know what I mean.
ParticularlyPeeved: I don’t know what you mean.
Kelloggs: I don’t know what I mean, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.
PumpkinMochi: You’re just like the people making this show.
ParticularlyPeeved: They just wanted to do that randomly. He didn’t even use his sword. He got it out then put it back in.
PumpkinMochi: Just like the sex scene.
Kelloggs: That’s how he does it.
ParticularlyPeeved: And he moves with speed lines.
Kelloggs: That’s an IMS staple, speed lines.
PumpkinMochi: At least their clothes aren’t randomly changing colors like in Twintails.
Kelloggs: They should have agreed on a safe word.
PumpkinMochi: Should have signed a contract.
ParticularlyPeeved: They’re explaining it, not that it matters.
Kelloggs: Because of the voice, I’m constantly reminded of Mahoukaman explaining shit. “He just reversed the activation sequence and was able to nullify the barrier.”
Kelloggs: This changes everything… I think. I actually have no idea.
PumpkinMochi: This is what happens when you use a dollar store lock.
Kelloggs: Dollar dollar lock y’all.
ParticularlyPeeved: You do realize that you haven’t hit her once yet, right?
Kelloggs: I’ve hit her zero times, now it’s time for the finishing blow!
PumpkinMochi: Her finishing move is to actually land a hit.
PumpkinMochi: Well you can’t hit for shit so…
Kelloggs: What would you know about the feeling of cutting her?
Boundless: The combat music reminds a lot of Log Horizon for some reason.
Kelloggs: Are you saying that this is all taking place in a MMO? A mall-based MMO?
ParticularlyPeeved: Shut up.
PumpkinMochi: OW. Back into the wall!
ParticularlyPeeved: And he gets back up again.
Kelloggs: The old rope-a-dope over here.
PumpkinMochi: Maybe he has the same condition like Homer Simpson has, where he can just take all those punches.
Kelloggs: Just has an extra quarter inch of fluid between his brain and skull and he’s like whatever.
Kelloggs: Give her a hug. Bitches love hugs.
Boundless: She’s too old now for headpats.
PumpkinMochi: Wait, why is that stuff sinking into the floor?
Kelloggs: Well, you know, when you destroy the environment, the rubble eventually de-spawns.
PumpkinMochi: Oh right, they’re in a game.
ParticularlyPeeved: Wait, he was just chilling up there?
Kelloggs: He was just off being evil somewhere. He looks like the devil from Guitar Hero 3. I’m expecting him to whip out a guitar and start playing “Devil Went Down to Georgia.”
PumpkinMochi: If this show ends with a guitar duel, it wouldn’t be the worst thing.
Kelloggs: Yes, I’d like that. If Basara’s sword turns into a guitar and he gets in a duel with Zolgia, 10/10.
PumpkinMochi: Not creepy at all.
Boundless: This guy’s been nothing but creepy.
PumpkinMochi: What are you talking about, he’s a classy motherfucker.
Kelloggs: Yeah, check out his purple jacket. Straight pimping over here.
Kelloggs: OH YES. EPIC RUNNING.
ParticularlyPeeved: That was not instant death, you were-, that was bullshit.
PumpkinMochi: What a misnomer.
ParticularlyPeeved: “Curse of Instant Death”, only takes five minutes.
Kelloggs: Name subject to change.
ParticularlyPeeved: At least the microwave made sense.
ParticularlyPeeved: Oh, he’s gonna make Basara join his harem now!
Kelloggs: Because of weird Twitter, I imagine that Zolgia’s weird magic is just just him repeating Dril tweets at him over and over. So it’s just gonna be like “I’m tired of the media’s inaccurate portrayal of boomerangs, which are weak as shit in real life” or “Working at the Betsy Ross museum, people keep asking me if they can fuck the flag. Buddy, they don’t even let me fuck it.” In fact, if the next episode is just him repeating Dril tweets, it’ll be better than what the show has been.
PumpkinMochi: Either that or a guitar battle?
Kelloggs: No, that’ll be the final episode. Episode 11 is nothing but Dril tweets, Episode 12 has a twenty-minute guitar battle. I’d be down for that.